Healing

I had my counseling session yesterday and I thought it went well. I feel really comfortable with her, so conversation just flows. We actually laughed a lot about various things. She brought something to my attention that I didn’t see before. She told me that she thought it was interesting that I went from a relationship where there was a physical relationship since we lived under the same roof, but for a long time there was a lack of an emotional connection. Now I have a strong emotional connection, but lack of the physical since we don’t get the time together. We discussed my ex and his new girlfriend and my concerns. She told me she doesn’t blame me for my concerns, but that the boys will be fine no matter what as they will have have stability at my house and see how a man should treat a woman with my relationship. We talked about ways for me to deal with being alone more and gave me a “bucket list” idea. So, she told me to make a list of little things that I always wanted to do or try, but never could because of the lack of time or felt guilty taking the time away from the kids/ex to do. For example, guitar lessons, or a Pinterest craft. When I’m alone and want something to do, because I’ve done what I needed to do for the day or plans are broken, I can whip out this list and start crossing things off. I love this idea! I’m a total list maker and try to be as organized as I can otherwise I forget things. Making my list today. I’ll let ya know what I come up!

Last night I was supposed to hang out with Hot Stuff, but he had to work late, again, so my little guy and I did our thing. I handled it ok, but I was a little upset when I didn’t hear from him much after he got off of work. I thought I would at least get to talk to him more since I didn’t get to see him. He was struggling to stay awake by the time my ex picked with my little man and there was minimal talking. It’s REALLY hard to not take things personal still sometimes. I didn’t get why he couldn’t just call me and talk to me for 5 min so I could hear his voice. I have to remember that he gets up super early and by the time he’s home after working 12 hours he’s just done and exhausted and falling asleep on the couch. I also have to be patient with myself. Things can’t automatically be fixed with how we think and and feel in a matter of months. It takes time!! I dealt with my ex for 13 years. I pray it doesn’t take 13 years to get over, but I know I need to give myself the time to “heal.”